Category Archives: Gestation

Takin’ it quick in a number of times approximating 7

1. Well! I am 35.5 weeks along with this here baby boy, and I have yet to take a single belly picture. I keep MEANING to, but then I think, “It’s not an actual week marker! I’ll do it on Tuesday when the week rolls over!” But I think Tuesday must be my Dirty Day. (We’ll pretend it’s just Tuesday and not that I feel too gross for pictures every single other day of the week. Also huge.)

2. Seriously, with the hugeness. This baby is up in my rib cage. And also doing headstands on my pelvis. My midwife was all “yeah, he’s gonna be long” and then I cried because HAVE YOU SEEN MY HUSBAND? He is nearly a foot taller than I am. Let’s just hope it’s a SCRAWNY long baby, to match him. (Vio was super long at birth, too, but Roo was smaller. I never felt like I got all that gigantic when pregnant with her. I assumed this was because I had DONE the whole pregnancy thing and was totally an expert and knew what to expect and yada yada but GUESS WHAT NO SHE WAS ACTUALLY JUST SMALLER.)

3. I’m going to be shocked when this baby is unlike both of his sisters in whatever ways in which he decides to be. We keep saying things like, “Oh, I hope he sleeps more like ___” and “I hope he nurses as well as ___ did!” without regard for the fact that he may do these things in a completely different THIRD way. Really, are there three different ways children can be? You have one and you assume they’re all the same; you have two and you realize that opposites exist. I don’t know how to find a third opposite. That involves, like, triangles. It sounds pointy.

4. I cannot even talk about how bummed I am about not going to the Blathering. Cannot. Too bummed.

5. The girls’ latest favorite pastime is putting on shows for me during the day. I’m guessing this is a result of Vio practicing and practicing at school for the graduation program and now having no outlet for her NEED TO PERFORM. (In front of us. In front of everyone at school I held my breath the entire time because she kept flashing the Panic Eyes and I was convinced she was being scarred for life.) They all begin with Roo standing up on a bin shouting, “Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girrs! Presenting …” Then they argue.

6. I had to get up about 12 times while writing this, but it was for a VERY GOOD REASON and now I will share it with you for making it all the way through the billion takes above … the Most Delicious Peanut Butter Cookies I Have Ever Personally Consumed.

Peanut Butter Oatmeal Raisin Cookies

(adapted from

  • 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
  • 3/8 cup white sugar
  • 1/2 cup brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup (heaping) natural (read: gritty) peanut butter
  • 1 egg
  • 1 tsp. vanilla
  • 3/4 cup white whole wheat flour (all purpose would be fine)
  • 1 tsp. baking soda
  • 1/2 tsp. kosher salt
  • 3/4 cup quick cooking oats
  • 1/2 cup raisins (I’m guessing … I tossed in a few handfuls)

1. Preheat oven to 350. In bowl of stand mixer, cream butter and sugars using the paddle attachment. Add heaping half cup of peanut butter and mix again until fully incorporated. Add egg and vanilla and beat until smooth.

2. In a separate bowl, sift together flour, baking soda, and salt. Add to the wet ingredients and mix on low, scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed. Stir in oats and raisins. (I threw them in with the mixer going as low as it would go. I didn’t want smoosh raisins.)

3. Drop 1 1/2-inch rounded balls of dough onto cookie sheet. (I baked mine on a Silpat and used a medium cookie scoop. If you don’t have either of those things but like to bake then WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR GO BUY THEM. Those aren’t, like, affiliate links, by the way. I’m way too lazy for all that nonsense.) Bake for 12-14 minutes, until lightly browned around the edges. Allow to firm up a bit on the cookie sheet before moving to cooling rack. (Twelve minutes will make a pretty soft cookie, and they will crumble if you try to transfer them without letting them sit a few minutes.)

Yield: 2 dozen

7. These cookies are for realsies amazing. I added raisins specifically to scare away all the tasteless people who think raisins in cookies are evil. RAISINS IN COOKIES ARE DELICIOUS.

(More quick takes here.)


Filed under Gestation, My girls, Quick takes

One thing I can promise is that this won’t always be entertaining

Oh, hello Spring! So nice to see you and your humidity all up in my face again. Especially with the pregnancy and all making the 80-degree weather feel like … a lot more degrees than that. Things got hectic up in here and the weather turned hot and then our AC broke again, and I’m not sure if you know this about me, but I’m a pretty cranky person, just on principle.

We started the process of getting Vio into a good Kindergarten program for next year. Which. Well. When I first heard there were magnet programs for elementary school in our county now, I did a big old snort. Like, seriously? Who is SO CONCERNED at this point that they feel the need to put their child in some sort of precious snowflake program? HAAA.

It turns out, when your child’s pre-K teacher describes the zoned school as *RASPBERRY SOUND* + *THUMBS DOWN* (literally, that is what she did. There are no words for the suck, you guys) you want to find a better option. SO! We picked our favorite choices, put her in the lottery and! And!

Got waitlisted! The process from there was, well, daunting. And fraught with chances for me to practice my patience. I had plan A and plan B and plan twelve all woven together in my brain in a Möbius strip of doom and tears. Wait lists at multiple schools meant possibly having to give up a place at a less awesome school to wait around hoping the higher choice school would call and UGH. I know in however many years I will just chuckle at the stress this brought me, and thank goodness for Matt, who handled just about all of it (not, like, emotionally. That’s the baggage I strap on. But I didn’t make a SINGLE phone call, so ha! It could have been worse!) but for now there is no chuckling because WOE.

Last week we found out she got a spot in our second choice school. It seems pretty awesome — a technology-oriented program that is heavier on the science and nerdery — and they have, like, a butterfly garden on the campus. She’ll get to wear uniforms! This brings me great relief and joy, mainly because I just ordered a bunch of pieces from Target for like $3 each. None of them will fit, I’m sure, but savings!


I mean, aside from the gestating, but that’s not so much WE as MY BELLY. And my torso is virtually non-existent. I am a head, some boobs, and then basically my legs start. There’s just not much room for anything in between, let alone another whole person. I’m learning that boy persons are meaner to the insides than girl persons. (To MY insides. I’m sure YOUR boy pregnancies were petunia factories of joy.)

We managed to schedule a weekend trip to Disney on the same weekend as a cousin’s wedding reception, so had to change our plans at the last minute while our out-of-town guest hung out at our house watching our children so we could drink cocktails (Diet Coke) under the stars. HA. SUCKERS.

(As an aside, I do wish I looked more PREGNANT in this picture and less like a lady wearing a tent. Which isn’t an invitation for you to tell me how AWESOME I look, because obviously you think so, but from this angle, Tent Lady, so there.)

Disney was fun. So so much fun. Except the second day when the monsoon came and we spent the day grumbling in the biggest crowds I’ve ever SEEN. It started out fairly promising, with multiple go-throughs of the Buzz Lightyear ride, but it started going downhill after waiting in line for Dumbo, getting up to the front and handed our little plastic ear tickets of joy, and then being told they were shutting down the ride because of incoming weather. With a two-year-old who loves nothing in the world more than she loves elephants. (YOU GUYS. The elephants! Dumbo! Gerald and Piggie! WE WATCHED POOH’S HEFFALUMP MOVIE, FOR FWOOING OUT LOUD.)

Obligatory tourist shot!

I feel so bad for our aforementioned guest (who is a Disney animation employee, and came all the way from California to see us and got us into Disney for free!) who had to witness the implosion of a family trapped in the rain, coated in plastic, overtired, and out of patience. He is a saint. Or is submitting a story about us to one of those awesome complainy blogs we all love to read but would never like to be featured on. I WOULD NOT BLAME HIM, is all I’m saying.

Sing it with me now: IMAAAAAGINAAAATION!

But I have proof he had SOME fun, so ha! (These girls LOVE him. Best pretend uncle ever. He is basically a 10-foot-tall child, so it works out well for them. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Tall people are great.)

That brings us about up to now, which is a week of illness, incredibly painful side pain of the OMG PAIN variety that I seem to get with every pregnancy, and OMG YOU GUYS, we haven’t figured out what causes it in all of these years, but it’s the one thing that makes me shake my head and say NEVER AGAIN will I allow another person to take up residence in my body. I mean, I guess maybe a robot, in the future, if that meant I could live forever as a cyborg. That might be okay. As long as it didn’t come with side pain.

Anyway. What have you been up to?


Filed under Gestation, My girls, Nothing but love

It’s a …

So. Last week, I had a dream that this baby was a boy. Before we decided to have a third child, we agreed that we would ONLY do so because we felt our family was incomplete — it couldn’t be a longing for a boy. Through all 17 weeks of this pregnancy so far, most people have commented, “Trying for your boy?” and “Maybe you’ll finally get your boy!” (mostly to my husband, haha, dads get annoying comments too! Yay!) And I know people are well-meaning, honestly, but I always answered that, since having my first daughter, I would be happy with an entire houseful of girls. (In fact, when I was pregnant with Roo, I hoped for another girl so Vio would get the sister I always wanted but never got to have.)

Anyway, so I thought I was FINE with a girl, and then I had that dream where the tech said, “It’s a boy!” and then I wept and was all, “Really? I’m having a boy?” When I woke up, well. That was an oh crap moment, you know? Because what if I found out it was a girl and I wasn’t as okay as I thought I would be?

So, today was the day. I’ve had the searing throat pain of doom for almost three full days, which has mostly distracted me (but also reminded me that whenever I get excited about something, I GET SICK THE DAY BEFORE COUGHCOUGHTHEBLATHERINGCOUGHCOUGH.)

I’m sorry, I’m not dragging this out to be a bother or because I LOVE suspense, but just because I wanted you to know the mindset I was in when I went in that room and got goo on my belly and started staring wide-eyed at the screen. (Remember: we didn’t find out the sex with the girls, so this was my first time finding out in advance.)

She puts the wand down on my belly, and just like what happened with Roo, the second she stuck the wand on, it was a crotch shot. I wasn’t SURE what I saw, but I suspected. When I saw Roo, I thought for sure it was a girl, and told Matt as much later. The tech took a few shots of some other things, and then she goes, “oh, wow! That’s probably different than what you’re used to seeing, huh?”

And I did the little BLINKBLINKBLINK cartoon thing. Completely holding my breath. Because, obviously, I knew what she meant, but she didn’t actually SAY it, and I didn’t want to BELIEVE it until she said it.

Just like in the dream, she said it was a boy, and I said, “REALLY? It’s a boy?” and I WEPT.

You guys, I am having a boy. I don’t even know what that means, but wow, I am so excited.


Filed under Gestation

Everything is relative. Yes, it is.

Here’s the thing, internet. We’ve got to get something straight here, because you’re driving me crazy lately. I know a lot of that is my own pregnancy crankiness, but still, I promise you, IT NEEDS TO BE SAID.

Let me start by saying that if you were sick with say, a cold. A nasty cold, to be sure, but still, nothing life threatening. Say you wanted to tweet about how miserable you feel. Would it help if someone were to reply, “THAT is not a real illness! You need to stop complaining!”? No, because, well, ILLNESS IS RELATIVE. So people (generally, there are always some jerkfaces) don’t do that.

Now, how about you’re stuck in traffic in Smalltown, USA. Usually you don’t have any traffic, but today there were some ducks in the road and they lost their mama and a sweet lady stopped and things got out of hand and now you’re going to be 15 minutes late to your bridge lesson or the apple pie eating contest or whatever. Would it be helpful to hear from Atlanta or DC, the Craptastic Traffic Capitals of These Known United States, “That’s NOT real traffic! Call me when you have to deal with this every day!”? No, because, well, TRAFFIC IS RELATIVE. We deal with what we’re used to, and when something happens out of the ordinary, IT IS OKAY TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT.

Well. It’s been cold in Florida the past few weeks. Not cold for, like, Wisconsin residents, but cold for MY FACE. I didn’t see snow until I was 26 years old. Seriously. We don’t have heavy coats, we don’t have gloves, and we don’t change out our wardrobes when the seasons change. Winter in Florida means throwing a hoodie over your summer wardrobe and swapping out jeans for shorts and skirts. Our air vents are in the ceiling, because we normally run COLD air conditioning, and seeing as how cool air falls, this makes sense. It does NOT make sense when we start running our heat and the heat blows halfway down and promptly begins to rise.

Anyway, it’s been getting into the low 40s and 30s overnight for a couple of weeks. That is cold. For here.

Yet, on Twitter, I have seen MULTIPLE comments to the effect of, “That’s not REAL winter!” or “This BARELY counts as snow! “*

I don’t care where you live, THERE IS SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE who would scoff at YOUR idea of WINTER. At YOUR idea of SNOW. I promise you!

When summer comes and, inevitably, there is a heat wave somewhere in the north that lasts for weeks where temperatures get up around 90 (the typical daily weather for a summer in Florida) I don’t hop on Twitter and start putting people down. Do you know why? Because WEATHER IS RELATIVE. They don’t have central air in the north, usually, because they don’t need it most of the time. So when it’s that hot, THERE IS NO RELIEF.

Probably, at this point, I am rambling. But, you guys, I propose this: Let’s stop trying to out-weather each other already. It is childish and ridiculous and serves NO PURPOSE other than to puff oneself up and feel superior to others.

It is absolutely, 100% MORE THAN OKAY to complain about something, even if you aren’t suffering the worst case of it that history has ever seen.

/cranky lady out.

*Disclaimer – This is meant in no way to shame the individual people who have made these comments; it’s an observation on the general attitude of the internet when it comes to weather.


Filed under Gestation, Not even kidding, Probably too serious