I mean, if you’re a really reasonable lady like me. If you’re unreasonable, probably you just give them some Motrin and shuffle off to bed and go back to sleep. But that’s not what a NORMAL person does. No no. It goes more like this:
IS SOMEONE GOING TO VOMIT? OH MY GOSH, THEY ARE, AREN’T THEY. They don’t have sore throats or stuffy noses or coughs WHAT IS LEFT I ASK? Is … is my stomach hurting? No no, that’s just the baby rearranging my ribs.
I BET IT WAS THAT VISIT TO THE PEDIATRICIAN’S OFFICE LAST WEEK. You take them in for an inflamed bug bite and they bring home an Actual Ailment. It was probably the damn sticker bin. NO MORE STICKERS. SHOULDN’T THEY HAVE A SPECIAL WELL CHILD STICKER BIN?
Wait — NO. After that visit we were told to give Roo some Benadryl … did we WASH the dosing cup super well after the last time they were sick, or did it just get rinsed? I HAVE TO GET BETTER ABOUT THE ACTUAL WASHING. HOT WATER IS NOT ENOUGH. I can’t believe I was so stupid! Sick from old medicine cup germs!
Hmm. My dad was sick last week. And we went over there this weekend. These children lick everything. But he had a sore throat! They don’t have sore throats! PLEASE DON’T THROW UP.
I KNEW GOING TO THE PARK THIS AFTERNOON WAS A BAD IDEA. NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO MEEEE. What about heat exhaustion? That can come on hours later, right? Probably I should google it. It also has an elevated pulse rate as a symptom … let’s check pulses. OMG THAT NUMBER IS HUGE IT IS HEAT EXHAUSTION hmm wait they are pretty small what is the normal pulse rate for a 4-year-old? Oh.
That takes us up to … well, now. Where I continue to wonder about the origins of the fevers, because my brain just NEEDS ANSWERS for these things. Incredibly REASONABLE answers, if I do say so myself.
(8 hours later, still fevered, still no other symptoms, unless staring glassy-eyed at episode after episode of Dora is a symptom, in which case, I AM ILL AS WELL.)