Monthly Archives: January 2010

7 Quick Takes – I haven’t done this in a while edition

1. The girls are playing together on the floor and they’re having a picnic and Roo doesn’t get the point of the game which bothers Vio TO NO END but they are PLAYING TOGETHER and it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen.

2. Sorry for the run-on there, but goodness! I had to get it all out before they stopped adoring one another (which, consequently, HAS ALREADY HAPPENED.)

3. It’s been a crazy couple of weeks around here, with Matt working overtime and through the weekend and in the evening. Translated: I have been parenting overtime and through the weekend and in the evening. I love my children dearly, but CALGON TAKE ME AWAY. Heck, I’ll settle for Mr. Bubble. (Except not, because Mr. Bubble will burn you. And your most sensitive bits. Trufax.)

4. This has been a strange week of people in the outside world (the English, as I like to call them) coming to my house and causing havoc that disrupts our slovenly hermit lifestyle. Some fine gentlemen from the power company came and knocked OUT A TUNE (not kidding) on my door the other day, and then informed me THROUGH GIGGLES that they would be shutting down the power for about 40 minutes. Effective within the next five minutes.

Um. It’s not like I could say no, so I explained to Vio the best I could that there would be NO NUMBERS on the front of the VCR (yes, we have a VCR set up in our living room, that we don’t use except for its digital clock capabilities. Why don’t DVD players have clock displays? THESE ARE THE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS.) Party people, she is obsessed with the numbers on that VCR. It’s never, “What time is it, Mommy?” It’s always “LOOK AT THE NUMBERS, MOMMY. There is a four! That means it’s time for Martha!” (Speaks, not Stewart. Calm down.) (Also, it doesn’t matter in which position she sees that four; if there is a four on the display, it is clearly time for her stories.)

Looking at this here number 4, it seems I’ve strayed from the point a bit, and also that maybe this should have been a post itself. TOO LATE NOW, we’re all going down in this together.

When I saw what those power men were doing, I knew, Internet. I knew there was no way they’d be done in 40 minutes. They were clearing out all the trees that had grown up around the lines since the last time they cleared them out, which I’m guessing was around when electricity was invented. And they were doing it with horror movie prop saws on sticks. I didn’t mind so much, because the girls were ENTRANCED with what they were doing, and stood at the back window for a good half hour just marveling over their work. There were three of them: white hardhat, red hardhat, and black hardhat. Except Vio didn’t call them that — THAT would have been too simple. And classy. Instead it was “MOMMY WHAT IS THE WHITE GUY DOING?” and “MOMMY WHERE DID THE BLACK GUY GO?”

So, at first I felt bad for me, what with the lack of power (not that we use it for a darn thing all morning, aside from reporting my every move to Twitter. Surely that was missed by all.) Then I saw what they had to do, and I felt bad for them. And then two hours passed without signs of it stopping, and I decided I felt bad for EVERYONE. Because now it was lunch, and lunch means we watch an episode of Word World or Clifford, and it is a ROUTINE, and you do not MESS with the ROUTINE, GOODNESS. But, mess with it I did, and found some episodes of Dora on a flash drive that I could play on the laptop and there was peace throughout the land.

5. That one was getting a little long, but there is still MORE to the story, and I am nothing if not thorough in presenting all the details of an otherwise mundane blip in Planet Earth’s history. The girls went down for naps just fine, except Roo does this thing where she wakes up at some point, but if I nurse her and let her snuggle in my lap, she’ll sleep a whole lot longer. Given the choice of snuggling on the couch with my baby and remaining silent for an hour or chasing her around the house unable to get anything done ANYWAY, I’ll take the snuggling every time.

The power came back on shortly after I had to fetch the baby, and oh how these hills rang out with the sound of the refrigerator bursting back to life and chilling my precious, precious meatballs. They had finished cutting down six forests’ worth of tree branches, and were busily dragging them from the backyard to the driveway. I wondered to myself just what would become of all these branches. Would they clear them out? Would they sit in our yard for days awaiting the special roughage-gathering-truck? No no.

They brought a wood-chipper.

To my house.

And then started using it during naptime.

It was all Fargo up in here.

6. Though, at least that made sense. Because yesterday? YESTERDAY, some dude, who will heretofore be referred to as G.I. Joe, came and banged on my front door during naptime. During the stuck-on-the-couch-boob-out-baby-holding portion of naptime. Then banged on it a second time, for good measure, I guess because both children slept through the first one? What I could see through the window, though, was a tall buff dude, shiny bald head, and a green Jeep.

7. That’s pretty much my week, in way more nutshells than you could shake a squirrel at.

(More quick takes here.)

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Filed under My girls, Not even kidding, Quick takes

Girl Talk Thursday – My body is a wonderland

I hated my body growing up. I was overweight from the time I was in elementary school. I can remember so clearly sitting in the car at the bank with my dad while he waited for the walk-up ATM to be available. A large woman walked by, and my dad uttered the phrase “thunder thighs” to my brother. I asked him what that meant.

“Well, it means that her thighs rub together when she walks.”

My thighs rub together when I walk, I thought. I was 7 years old.

I remained overweight until my third year of college. The freshman 15 were as unkind to me as anyone else, and one evening I noticed a tiny stretch mark on my stomach. I’d had them on my hips and thighs, some from growing, some not, but my stomach was smooth. I have no idea why, but that was the last straw. I decided to do something about it. I was 20 years old.

I guess I always thought being a skinny girl was a free pass to love and appreciate my body. But even at my smallest, a size 6, there was still plenty to focus negativity on — loose skin, wide hips, short legs. I have often joked that I felt like people could see my secret when I shopped for clothes — they’d know I didn’t BELONG in the size Smalls. I’d imagine them seeing the number on my jeans and rolling their eyes as I walked into the fitting room. I still feel that way, at 28 years old.

Having children has helped me to appreciate my body in a new way. It’s cliché, I know, but it’s true. I grew two beautiful girls in this belly. I nourished them with these breasts. Rocked them with these arms and chased them with these legs.

It’s hard for me to focus on a single, specific part of my body and say that I love it. I’ve always been fond of my eyes, I suppose — green, with long lashes. I like my hands and their long slender fingers. I even love the three freckles on my left forearm that make a perfect, equilateral triangle. So no, there’s no favorite. But at least there’s no least-favorite either.

* * * * * *

It’s a bit late that I’m getting this posted, but today is National Delurking Day. If you’re out there, leave a comment, let me know you’re reading. You don’t even have to tell me your favorite body part. I’ll settle for your favorite ninja turtle.

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Filed under Girl Talk Thursdays, Probably too serious

Girl Talk Thursday – Clearly we love list-making, particularly in the length of five items

Uh. Hey there. Been a little distracted lately. Life, holidays. You know the drill. Then also having no idea where to jump back in on this whole blogging thing. So! A memetastic Girl Talk Thursday topic to get me to jump back in the saddle, step away from the online Scrabble (PLAY ME), and issue a gigantic I DON’T GET IT to the internet.

The goal this week is to make a list of five celebrities people generally think are hot, but do NOT set my ladyparts ablaze. It’s pretty much the opposite of that other list of five we did.

1. Number one on this list is simple, simple, simple. And will also probably get me banned from the internet or existence or at least from WOMEN, but I just need to know there are others out there like me who do not find this dude attractive.

I’m sorry, but. I JUST DO NOT GET IT. He looks … unclean. And has a girly face. And just. I don’t know. But I canNOT be the only one, oh no I cannot.

2. A lot of this one isn’t so much on the dude as it is on the character he plays. And Dr. Karev is a complete TOOL, pure and simple. Cocky. Arrogant. Bah.

But, beyond all that? He’s just … greasy, or something. I don’t know. I much preferred George. MOPEFACE.

3. Don’t get me wrong — I think he’s a fantastic actor, but I have just never gotten the sort of tingle from him that he seems to arouse in others.

And again with the GREASY. Can we get these folks some blotting paper?

4. No, not even as Legolas. Certainly not as Will Turner.

(SHINY. AGAIN.)

5. I have to admit — I have no honest basis for this one. I just really want to punch him in the face if he’s on my television.

Just … look at him. I can’t really tell what it is, but I’m pretty sure, years from now, the world will find out he’s been holding pet gerbils for ransom or stealing change from the bottom of your grandma’s purse.

So. Agree? Disagree? Who are the celebrities that make you go HMMM?

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Filed under Girl Talk Thursdays