In my head it’s just one huge Rube Goldberg machine

I’ve been sitting here trying to pound out some sort of post for the better part of a half hour. Not a huge amount of time by any standards, except that set by the mere one to two hours worth of naps I get from my girls each afternoon. When I lamented to Ian that I had no good ideas for a post, he suggested the old fall back plan — a LIST. So, instead of being able to settle on one topic, I think I’m just going to throw out some bullets full of everything spinning around in my head at the moment.

  • A friend of mine wrote a post this morning about how some of her friends, without naming names, aren’t treating her as well as they could be. It has affected me a great deal for many reasons. Could she be talking about me? Have I been as good a friend to her as I could? And what about my other friends? Could they be saying things like that as well? How would I react in her situation, and how have I reacted to it in the past? This makes me think about how I interact with everyone in my life, family included.
  • I’m thinking about Matt’s grandmother, Nannie. Just over a month ago, the neighbors two floors up from her went on vacation. While they were gone, their entire condo flooded. It skipped the floor between, but traveled down and soaked through Nannie’s ceiling. She’s now faced with clearing out half her condo so the workers can redo her ceiling and kitchen. She’s in her early 80s and does not like to ask for help. We’re doing all we can, but it occurred to me this morning that, of the dozen or so family members she has that are local, we are the only ones who seem to check in on her or visit her. I’m sad for her and flat out angry that everyone else seems to be so wrapped up in their own lives and problems, they have made no time for her.
  • Which gets me to thinking about my own grandmother. As I sit here pointing fingers at everyone else, I have to look at my own actions and realize I haven’t written to my own grandmother (who lives in Maine) in an embarrassingly long time. She’s 96 years old, and I have to stop telling myself that tomorrow is as good a day as any to send a card.
  • I’m also thinking about how much family we have that is local. My parents, Matt’s parents, all his grandparents, our siblings, some aunts, uncles, cousins … There are a lot of people. A lot of people who all want to see us on birthdays and holidays and weekends and oh my lands. It’s such a blessing, to have them nearby, but it’s also so exhausting.
  • And that gets me to thinking about how we ended up back here, in our hometown. When we got engaged in college and began planning our life together, the setting was always here. ALWAYS. We didn’t even consider wanting to live elsewhere. We wanted to be near family and away from the cold. I don’t know when that changed. I think it was when Matt applied for two jobs with the same company — one that would have us moving to a different city for 9 months at a time for the next 3 years, and one that was a solid, in-town, forever sort of thing. He got the in-town job, and it crushed me. I didn’t know how much I wanted to see other places until that opportunity was on the table and then snatched away. I guess I really haven’t gotten over it.

All it takes is one tiny thought, and my head carries it off in a thousand directions. Did I mention there is always a song playing in my head, too? Plus whatever activities and conversations I’m trying to engage in at the time — playing with the girls, making dinner, talking on the phone. I struggle to be present in my activities, because there is just so much to distract me up in my head. (Which now has me longing for the calm of shelving books in a closed library, and suddenly we’re on a whole new train.)

So. What’s on your mind today, my pretties? Do you concentrate on one thought at a time, or does your mind try to work through several things all at once?



Filed under NaBloPoMo, Probably too serious

3 responses to “In my head it’s just one huge Rube Goldberg machine

  1. I am so psyched your doing nano. Cause I’m loving every post.

  2. You are right about living close to relatives. I love that we live close to both our families, and I love that we see each other and hang out all the time. BUT, it is EXHAUSTING! My parents want to see the kids weekly, but can go two weeks without. My husbands parents want to see the kids weekly, but settle for less, and the list goes on and on, and it’s tough to meet everyone’s demands. It’s hard to find time for friends and other stuff when family is always around. But, I wouldn’t trade our situation for anything!

  3. I’m loving your blog. I don’t remember how I stumbled upon it, but I’m glad I did.

    What’s on my mind? I’m debating selling the clothes my boys have out grown. On the one hand I know we are planning to have another baby. On the other, the clothing sale could pay for what will otherwise be a meager Christmas.