7 Quick Takes – I can’t get no sastification

1. Things have been a bit hectic this week, what with the HAND FOOT AND MOUTH DISEASE, but we’re all hanging in there. I made the mistake of telling my dad about it, and he told my mom (who is out of state with my younger brother visiting relatives.) I got a VERY frantic phone call from her this morning, horribly worried about us, asking if this was “what they used to call hoof and mouth disease.” I did my best to explain to her that HAND FOOT AND MOUTH DISEASE is something completely different, we didn’t catch it from sordid relations with livestock, and we are all perfectly fine. When I was a kid, she’d tell us we’d get hoof and mouth disease from putting our feet in our mouth, so we shouldn’t ever do that. (Uh … I don’t recall giving her a REASON to tell us this, but, you know. Moms. We also couldn’t ride our bikes beyond one house to the left and one house to the right until we were TEN YEARS OLD. That is neither here nor there but it seems important to illustrate fully the woman I was dealing with today.)

2. The morning was ALSO exciting, because I (I’m sorry, possible TMI ahead) peed about 3 times before 9AM. You want to guess the last time that happened? So I looked at the calendar, saw some dates, did some math, looked at the calendar again, peed some more, had a mild panic attack concerning the possibility of TWO CHILDREN 18 MONTHS APART HOLD ME, took a pregnancy test, and got a big fat SINGLE line. No baby right now. Whew.

3. I say WHEW, because PHEW. Not because we don’t want more babies, but because I am nowhere near ready. Can you imagine? CAN YOU IMAGINE? And also, if I were pregnant right now, the poor thing would probably be born with HOOVES. I mean, if you asked my mom, anyway.

4. I’m only at #4, and I’ve already discussed HOOF AND MOUTH DISEASE and a pregnancy scare. Where do I go from here? AH YES. Online dating profiles. One of my most favorite friends is in the throes of the online dating experience. She got an awesome message from a fellow calling himself “MASTERPICE” last night (you can read more about that experience HERE), and after laughing so hard I nearly cried over his profile, I noticed a nifty feature at the bottom of OkCupid imploring me to visit SIMILAR profiles. DON’T MIND IF I DO, I thought. And that is how I found him. Lookin’ for a special ladie to whom he can garOntee sastification. (SASTIFICATION.)

5. In his journal, one passage in particular caught my attention:

Picture 7

How was I supposed to refuse that? HOW? I am just a curious person. (With her permission) I signed on using Lyndsy’s account and sent him a message inquiring into this SPECIAL TECHNIQUE heretofore unknown to mankind and science. And he responded. It’s like he doesn’t have piles of mail to answer or something. Weird. (Caution. Gross sex talk from creepy online dating profile dude to follow.)

Picture 6

Double you. Tee. Eff. You guys. Is this dude for real?

6. When I signed into WordPress this morning, I got a huge surprise in the form of my hit count since midnight. I don’t normally see much traffic, this being a brand new baby blog and all that, so I knew something was up when I was nearing 100 hits before 8AM. I looked a little more closely at the stats, and it quickly became apparent what was going on. Put on your SUPER DETECTIVE HAT and see if you can figure it out.

Picture 5

That’s right, you guys. There is no hotter place on the web to score some AJ pictures than right here on my blog. A quick Google search showed me my blog was on page TWO of a GIS for the first search term in the list. PAGE TWO. What the heck? I went back, edited the names out of the post, changed the file names for the images, and hope the whole thing will sort itself out eventually. Until then I can pretend I’m Super! Popular! Whee!

7. We’ve got some awesomesauce about to be served up over at Girl Talk Thursday. If you haven’t been playing along, WHY NOT? Check out our upcoming topics and put on your posting pants, because it’s about to get all talky up in here.

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5 Comments

Filed under Quick takes

5 responses to “7 Quick Takes – I can’t get no sastification

  1. Ian

    I like how Diane Laine gets snuck in there with a mention. Where’s the Jenna Fischer love, people?

  2. LOL I get more hits from “hayden panettiere” than I do anything else šŸ˜‰ But I let it stay. lol

    • Ha, yes! I was thinking of letting it stay, but it DWARFS my other traffic to the point that I can’t tell what actual readers I have. Now it will be horribly disappointing to look at the little graphs when it eventually drops back off. (Cue the cartoon: WOAWHN WOAWHN WAOWWWHN)