1. This child. Roo. Almost 9 months old. This child. IS GOING TO KILL ME. In the past week, I have counted four (4) ways in which she has tried to harm/maim/kill herself. I have to admit, baby-proofing was my big eye roll at the parenting community at large. Just watch them! I’d think smugly, to myself. Ha! Ha ha! Yeah. Got what was coming to me with this one. Vio didn’t need constant watching. That child is, and has always been, painstakingly cautious. She’s going to be the biggest tattletale in school — I CAN ALREADY TELL. Thank goodness for that though, as it is one extra pair of eyes policing Miss Knockitdown Chokesalot.
2. My toaster oven is possessed. If I pop in my morning whole-wheat-from-the-Publix-bakery bagel and stand in the kitchen, it shuts off after about a minute. Untoasty bagel. Not for to please my belly. On the days I throw the bagel in, hit the button, and get called to duty because “MOMMYYYYY!”, by the time I get back to the kitchen, my once glorious bagel has the consistency of charcoal. Because the toaster never shut off. I attempted to outsmart the damn thing by setting the kitchen timer on the microwave for two minutes, but it seems whenever I do that, it behaves as though I’ve been standing in the kitchen, and shuts off after the requisite 60 seconds. You guys, what I’m saying here is … there is a ghost in my toaster.
3. Our yard, I fear, has turned in to the Jungle of Nool. I say this because I’m fairly certain the grass is tall enough to conceal an elephant in its entirety.
4. A three-year-old who will let you collapse in the middle of her floor during the baby’s morning nap time and play quietly so you can “rest your eyes” is the best kind of three-year-old. This is putting aside that the reason for my exhaustion was being up half the night with said three-year-old. But we like to focus on the good here at the dashoffery.
5. The reason I was up with her? She had a scary dream. I brought her into bed with me and snuggled her all up, and I asked her if she could tell me about her dream. I guess she enjoyed Girl Talk Thursday’s topic so much, she wanted to be a part of it.
“It was just me and mommy. No daddy and no Roo. There were lots of doors. I couldn’t open the door. Mommy was all gone. Where was Vio? I couldn’t open the door because the handle was too small. There was a biiiig bed. It wasn’t my bed, it was somebody else’s bed. I think it had a … monster in it. But I didn’t see the monster’s face, just his tummy sticking up.”
I comforted her and suggested, “Maybe it was Elmo. He’s a silly monster.”
“Oh, no,” she explained. “This was a BIG monster.”
“Ah, maybe it was Cookie Monster. He’s big.”
“You know what, Mommy? There was a cookie on the floor! I bet it WAS Cookie Monster!”
6. We had a bit of a stomach bug situation earlier in the week. Possibly. I’m not sure. Vio said her stomach hurt, and then threw up. Then I PANICKED, because stomach bugs are my kryptonite. She spent the rest of the day in a Clifford-induced haze, but reproduced no further stomach contents. Wednesday was fine. Thursday she wakes up in a snit saying she doesn’t feel like walking, holding her stomach, and OH THAT’S RIGHT, we have a dentist’s appointment this morning! But the rest of the day went on, with no further stomach complaints. Her appetite has bottomed out, but she’s had no fever. Matt and I were feeling a bit icky ’round the gut toward the end of last week, so I’m thinking minor gastroenteritis? Does that exist? Normally we get the kill-us-until-we’re-dead-and-then-laugh-because-we’re-actually-still-alive variety, so I wouldn’t know.
7. A few months ago, I entered a contest and won an Applecheeks cloth diaper. When I didn’t receive my package after about a month, I contacted a customer support representative, who explained they had lost my tracking information and would send out another diaper immediately. About a week later, my package arrived, all shiny and perfect. Less then a week after THAT, a second package arrived. I contacted customer support again, apologizing for the mix-up and assuring them I had no intention of conning a second diaper out of them. When I mentioned I had planned on talking about the diaper on my blog, they suggested I use the second diaper in a giveaway of my own. A GIVEAWAY? Seems a bit daunting for my little baby blog here, and I have no intention of doing more reviews/giveaways in the future, but given the circumstances and their generosity, I’m really looking forward to it. Look for that next week!