Monthly Archives: June 2009

Because if I blog it, it can’t happen

So, we’re planning this trip. We’ve been planning it off and on all year. It’s not a huge trip, just a couple of nights in Orlando (we’re <2 hours away). Back during the Super Bowl there was some sort of contest with the promo for Heroes and if you clicked some thing or another you’d win a 7-day 2-park pass to Universal Orlando. And I actually won! (They awarded THOUSANDS of these things. I assure you my luck normally isn’t that good.) And then, because the slackers who lived here before us have never redirected their mail, we got a different kind of free Universal Orlando pass. Good for either the person named OR a person living at that address. Finally this daily annoyance pays off.

This requires some planning, what with a 2-year-old and a 7-month-old, but we finally settled on dates. And settling on dates means booking a hotel. Except for ONE THING. And here, Internet, is where I show you what a crazy person I am.

I am utterly convinced that once we get that hotel room booked, we will all fall ill with some horrible, debilitating stomach bug. I, uh, have no reason for this. My husband thinks I’m a nutcake. Honestly, I don’t disagree.

Anyone else have ridiculous paranoia about silly things?

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Iron

Six years ago, almost to the minute, I was preparing to walk down the aisle. My bouquet came out all wrong. I absolutely hated my hair. My hands were shaking.

“It’s OK, if you don’t want to do this,” my father whispered as he took my hand. “We won’t be mad at you. It’s just a wedding. We won’t be disappointed.”

His words were the words, I think, he wished someone had whispered to him as he prepared for his first wedding, long before he knew my mother. They were words I appreciated. Words that meant the world to me. The words I really needed to hear. Even though I was certain, beyond any doubt, that this was what I wanted. It was amazing to hear those words from my father in that moment. It made the decision my own. It gave me true ownership of one of the most important decisions I would ever make.

The music started, and he walked me down the aisle. When I saw Matt standing there, tears already in his eyes, I found it hard to contain my emotion. We had a very small wedding — not quite 2 dozen guests — and I don’t know that I could have handled much more than that.

I remember so little of the actual ceremony. My older brother took the video, and he still hasn’t sent it to me. (Which, dude! Get on it!) It was over so quickly, and there we were. Both of us only 21, and joined forever.

I don’t have very many pictures of that day. I’m not one for a lavish affair, so there was no hired photographer. Just family photos that we’ve pieced together over the years. I much prefer the pictures in my head. The feelings, more than anything, are what I want to remember.

I could not have known then, in those moments, what the next six years would hold. We have suffered tremendous lows and celebrated the highest highs. We’ve messed up — Oh, how we’ve messed up. But we have fought our way through, sometimes against each other and sometimes as a team. We are stronger today than we have ever been.

I love you, Matt. Thank you for this incredible life.

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The talent I wish I had

I have been trying to write this, my First Official Blog Post, for weeks now. In my head, it’s been brewing. Should I talk about how I am struggling to find my voice as a writer? Should I talk about the blogs that have influenced my life and brought me to this moment? Should I talk about how I only really had the guts to do it because a few headstrong women all but demanded it of me?

I thought it was important, frankly, what I said to introduce myself. And how I said it. That if I didn’t do it properly, no one would come back. I’m nothing if not horribly self-conscious. So I guess this post here is a cop-out. I’m completely forgoing the introductions and jumping right into it.

The Girl Talk Thursday topic this week is to talk about the talent you wish you had. I find that so apropos as I sit here, watching my words grab hold of the page (screen? textbox type thing?) completely unsure of myself and what I’m saying. I’m not entirely sure if this can be considered a talent, but I so wish I had the ability to fully express the thoughts I have in my head. I struggle with this on a daily basis. It may be the perfectionist in me who will never be fully satisfied with the words I choose to describe something. I am forever revisiting past experiences, wishing I had said this or that. I will probably spend forever editing this post before getting the guts to hit publish.

So. The talent to express myself succinctly and fully. I suppose I can sit and wish for the talent, or I can work at it by writing and interacting with non-babies on a more regular basis (even if it has to be internetally.) The blogging world has given me so much. While I lack the conceit to think this is somehow giving back, I do hope that it will calm the voice in my head who begs to be heard as I ceaselessly shush.

(And if that doesn’t count as a talent I wish I had, then I pick playing the piano. Because I don’t think FingerPiano on my iPod really counts.)

(Also, please to be ignoring the out-of-the-box theme/generic banner thing here. I plan to make this place feel a bit more like home in the coming months.)

(No, I don’t always speak in parentheticals, but today is a special occasion, so I thought I should celebrate accordingly. If you look at them just right, they’re like little pieces of confetti floating through the air.)

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