Girl Talk Thursday – Ideal lunch date

My father was adopted.

It’s not something I think I’ve brought up here before, but it’s something I plan to revisit in the future. The effect it’s had on him, on his family, on our family. The positives and negatives and the way it has always made me want to go out into the world and find a little boy or girl who needs a family. It’s part of who he is and it’s part of who I am.

I love my grandmother. Grandma Honey, we call her. She’s 96-years-old and lives over a thousand miles away from me. Roo gets her middle name from her. She is my hero, because she has loved my dad like he was her own. She is my mother’s hero, because without her? None of what we have would have been possible. She saved my dad. I believe that with all of my heart.

We have one picture of my dad’s birth mother. He finally found her, after years of poring over old phone books and fighting to have sealed adoption papers opened. She had died about 15 years prior. To say it was heart-breaking news is an understatement. The answers we will never have could fill books. He did meet her nephews, though. We got some bits and pieces. Her name. And one picture of a woman a little bit older than I am now, who looks a whole lot like me. Who loved math and order. I like to think she’d have liked me.

When I was in 6th grade, we were given a discussion topic in my Gifted class. If you were given a time machine and could only go back to one point in time, what would it be? Everyone wanted to go back to meet all sorts of famous people who died long ago. Athletes. Politicians.

I wanted to go back to the day my dad was born.

My teacher almost cried.

So, to be the sappy one of the bunch, my birth grandmother would be my ideal lunch date. I am desperate to know her. Not because I don’t love my Grandma Honey, my REAL grandmother, but because I see that picture of her and feel like we both missed out on something.

I would want to go to her favorite place to eat. I would ask her who my father’s father is. Did he have any other children? Do I have aunts and uncles and cousins out there? She never had more children. Giving up my father, the result of an affair with a married man, broke her heart, and it never healed.

She’s the missing piece. A mystery I’ve been solving in my head for over 10 years, as my own eyes and lips face me from that frame.

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9 Comments

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9 responses to “Girl Talk Thursday – Ideal lunch date

  1. Jaded Perspective

    Wow Diane. That is so heartbreaking that she had already passed. If I were you, I would have picked that day to go to also. I can’t imagine what those emotions must feel like. HUGS

  2. I never had any grandparents growing up. My dad’s mom was alive until I was six or seven, but I don’t have many memories of her, and all of my other grandparents died before I was born.

    I was reunited with my birth parents in April… I found out I have one grandparent still living, my bio-dad’s mother. I want to meet her so badly.

    Thanks for this post. I am so glad that my children will have the opportunity to get to know MANY grandparents, now that I have two sets of parents and my fiance still has his father.

  3. Oh, this is so beautiful. I can understand why you’d want to meet your birth grandmother.

    If only we had some wishes from a genie or something, that could come true :)

  4. *wibbles* I luff you. That is all.

  5. What a beautiful post. That would be an amazing lunch date. TFS!

  6. This would be amazing. I love your ideal lunch date :]

  7. Oh, this is so lovely. And I know this feeling, kind of, but with my own different story. I’m glad she looks like you. There’s something comforting about that isn’t there?

  8. thepsychobabble

    ah, I’m teary now.
    I’m sorry you (and her)(and your dad) were unable to meet. I’m so sorry you missed that.