In a land of no consequences, my fridge would be filled with Diet Coke, and the freezer would hold naught but Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups

Rich people keep weird crap in their fridges.

Like, whoa.

I mean, apparently.

I’ve never been in a rich person’s house and looked in their fridge.

Last night I was talking to my best friend who recently abandoned me moved to California to work for Disney as an inventor or Mickey Mouse enthusiast or programmer or something (he’s got a Ph.D., so it could be ANY of those.) He’s all put up in some bizarre corporate housing for a month, with magic beds that unfold from the wall like an 80s sitcom and internet roughly as enjoyable to use as AOL pre-3.0, while he looks for a more suitable place to live.

He sent me a link to the floor plan of a studio apartment he’s looking at, because, like, is there something better to be doing online at midnight with friends? So I’m looking, and I jokingly remark, “But there’s no fridge shown in the floor plan! BALEETED.” Basically, I thought I was being a smart ass.

“YOU’RE RIGHT!” He said. Then he explained that tons of apartments out there don’t provide a fridge. You have to rent or buy your own.

So it has a washer/dryer included, but no refrigerator.

Seriously? What the hell do I need a washer/dryer for if there’s no place to keep the pudding I will end up spilling on myself? (Sorry, I can’t do those shelf stable Handi-Snacks puddings. Jell-O or bust, dudes.)

Now, because it’s midnight and I’m on the internet and the baby just woke up to nurse AGAIN, I’m interested in the going rate for refrigerators these days, because I’ve never had to buy one before. (A house I have bought, but never a fridge.) So I hop on over to Sears.com to get the party going.

For poopoos and hahas (that’s how we say it in front of the kids, and this IS a family blog, after all) I ranked them by descending price, revealing to me the most expensive fridge they sell is around $8000.

EIGHT. THOUSAND. DOLLARS.

Are you kidding me?

(Of course, what do I know? Probably rich people have $20000 refrigerators and this is a regular person fridge but I have absolutely no idea. The cheap fridges started at $400, if you’re curious, which I’m not sure why you would be, because this isn’t exactly a fridge-buying guide, but now you know, so you’re welcome.)

More interesting than the price, though, are the pictures from inside the fridge that are supposed to entice me to yearn to make it my own. The special spaces! Deep freeze drawers! An ice dispenser that will inevitably get broken within one week of the warranty’s expiration (in the wrong direction)!

It’s morning now, so I’m not sure this is going to be as funny as it was to me after midnight, but check this shizz out, y’all.

Rich people leave things uncovered:

I love how they’ve arranged the figs to resemble a pair of ducks.

Rich people have 2-3 of every type of beverage:

Get me one that dispenses sangria, and we’ll talk.

Rich people are prepared for fancy entertaining AND pregnancy at all times:

Is that a bag of celery? Wilted asparagus? … Frog legs?

Rich people have excellent taste in dessert:

Well, they’re no Jell-O pudding snacks, but they’ll do.

Aaaand … there’s not much point to this post beyond me needing something better to do on Friday nights, which I am just realizing now after I’ve written the whole thing out.

(Anyone a little bit curious about the food they show in the $400 fridge? I’m thinking last week’s pizza and the purple stuff from an old Sunny D commercial, when it was still Sunny Delight, before these punk kids started abbreviating everything under the sun. Those were the days, no? I wore an onion on my belt [as was the fashion at the time ...])

So. What would you keep in YOUR $8000 fridge? (Because falling back on audience participation as a means of closing off a post is always a way to win their undying adoration! You heard it here first, folks.)

7 Quick Takes – Posting OVERLOAD

1. I have written a LOT of posts this week. Turns out when it’s my turn to host at Girl Talk Thursday, that ups the challenge of NaBloPoMo to quite an extent! Three extra posts over there this week have caused me to neglect my sweet little blog just terribly. I do apologize for the honorable mentions post from yesterday, but my brain couldn’t get past “mmmm … pretty fictional characters”. Pretty much I needed Google Images to get in there and do the work for me.

2. (While we’re talking about Girl Talk Thursday, you should head over there today, because Matt is hosting Dude Response Friday! And since I had to twist his arm clean off his body and beat him about the head and (bloody) shoulder (stump) with it to get him to participate, it would be highly appreciated if you’d jump over there and tell him how awesome his taste is.)

(Yup. That ENTIRE take was a parenthetical aside to its predecessor. I’m soaring to new highs!)

3. Thank you guys for all the comments on the Confabulation post. It was weighing on my mind quite a bit Saturday morning, and getting it all out sort of helped me let it go. I have spent this week appreciating all the things that Roo can do at this age that I’m quite positive Vio could not. Erin’s comment helped especially, as she explained that Roo has something Vio didn’t have — a big sister to learn things from. Every day, I see her mimicking Vio’s behaviors, trying to do all the things she can do, and it puts me at ease.

4. I mentioned on Twitter that I was having trouble getting Roo to eat much of anything that wasn’t bread. I have SORT OF solved this in a totally genius manner. I mean, seriously you guys, I should write a book on this or something. Want to know what I did?

I gave the kid a fork.

WHERE ARE MY MILLIONS?

See, Vio wanted nothing to do with a fork until she was … well, I have no idea. But it was way WAY older than 11 months, possibly by double. It just hadn’t occurred to me that when Roo was fussing in her seat at the table, it was because she wanted a fork JUST LIKE US. If I stab the food for her, she can direct those little blunt tines right into her milkhole. (What? She’s a BABY. She does not eat PIE.)

So now she’ll eat her diced pears and consider the roasted zucchini. It’s a start!

5. I did settle down to read a book earlier this week. For the whole rest of that nap time, in fact. I got about 30 pages into Slaughterhouse-Five before the girls woke up … and I haven’t had a chance to pick it back up since. But. IT WILL COME, precious. I will find that time to read again.

6. If you follow me on Twitter, you are aware of my MILD freak out over Jon Stewart’s comments here. As someone with a similar MASTER’S DEGREE, I was justifiably incensed over the blatant ignorance therein. There is a whole post in my head rattling off common misconceptions about librarians and what they do, which will be saved for another day. When I’m decidedly less bitey about the whole thing.

7. Even though they don’t read my blog or know about my blog, I still want to publicly congratulate my parents on their 29 year wedding anniversary. They have stuck it out through some insanely tough times — deaths in the family, multiple layoffs, major illness — and just emerge stronger and stronger every time. They are what I can only hope Matt and I will still be 23 years from now.

More quick takes here.

Girl Talk Thursday – Fictional Five (Honorable mentions edition)

Look. I know I hosted the ORIGINAL post over at Girl Talk Thursday, but I’m doing NaBloPoMo here. I need something. And now I’ve got boys (and girls) on the brain. When I was compiling my Fictional Five list (the list of five fictional characters I’d love to woo and have for my own) there were SEVERAL who got left off. Five is a small number. My imagination? Way bigger than five. So! Honorable mentions post it is.

Cooper, Private Practice

I love this man. Paul Adelstein was a runner up for my original List of Five, but it’s really COOPER who does it for me. He’s a sex-crazed pediatrician! What a juxtaposition. AND he fought for Charlotte repeatedly, even though she kept pushing him away. *pupils turn to hearts*

Mark, Rent

I know Anthony Rapp is gay, but Mark is NOT. Ha! It’s impossible not to feel for him. He’s lost his girlfriend to another woman, watching his best friends struggle against an incurable illness, just trying to make his movies. He’s got a heart of gold and could sing me Yakko Warner’s “Countries of the World” song ALL THE LIVELONG DAY and never would I tire of it.

Inara, Firefly/Serenity

Is there a more beautiful woman? Like, in the universe? I’m pretty sure there’s not. And she’s a companion. You know she’s rockin’ some skills.

Cameron, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

He just can’t catch a break. I doubt it’s easy living in Ferris Bueller’s shadow. The part in the movie where he and Sloane are walking hand-in-hand during the parade? I always ACHED for them to run off together.

Logan (and, what the heck, Veronica too), Veronica Mars

The reformed bad boy gone good gone bad again but then maybe still good? Could not get enough of this guy. And Veronica is so incredibly bad ass. I MISS THIS SHOW.

Leonidas, 300

There’s a lot to be said for a dude who marches into battle because it’s the right thing to do, even though he knows he’s faced with certain death. And if he does it in just his knickers, well — ALL THE BETTER FOR ME.

So. Now that I’ve wasted all your time with the people who are NOT on my Fictional Five, head over to Girl Talk Thursday to see who made the cut, and leave a linky to your list too! (Come on, if you’re doing NaBloPoMo — FREE POST IDEA.)

Birthday girl

I am sad today, but today is not a day for sadness.

Today is Maddie Spohr’s 2nd birthday.

Today is a day to love too hard and too fast. A day to snuggle our puppies and eat too many cream puffs. Today is a day to squeeze our mothers and our daughters. A day to paint our nails purple and play the piano.

Today is a day to celebrate that light that continues to shine so brightly over all of us.

Happy birthday, Madeline Alice. You are in our hearts forever.

Please go visit Heather and Mike today and leave them some love. I also encourage all of you to become Friends of Maddie via the button in the right sidebar.